4 Reasons Why Long Distance Relationships Are Shocking

19 Jan

I just have to say this first of all: I’ve never had a long distance relationship. And I never will. In a million years. Never. You know why? Because they are shocking. I don’t mean shocking like when I found out that condoms are only 96% effective. I mean shocking like the Twilight films- in other words, a train wreck. I understand that sometimes long-distance relationships just kind of happen. Your partner moves away, gets a job somewhere far away and you don’t want to break up. The thing is, within a couple of months, every couple will realise that it sucks. These are 4 reasons why.

#4 Having Arguments

There’s nothing more satisfying than an argument- I would be the first one to admit that. Slamming doors, throwing stuff, maybe the odd fisticuff. The absolute best bit about having an argument with your partner is that you can see something dying inside their eyes when you say something super hurtful.

It's more fun if you replace the pillows with frying pans

In a long distance relationship, the worst thing you can do is hang up really spitefully, or stop the video stream on Skype. It just doesn’t quite pack the same punch.

That doesn’t matter in itself, (if you’re not a violent type like me), but it will affect your relationship in the long run. Not being able to truly vent your anger and have a proper rant means that all your feelings will be pent up inside, waiting to bust out- like a scene from Alien.

#3 Making Up

In a normal relationship, making up is pretty easy if you know what you’re doing. Once you get the person you want to make up with alone in a room, and refuse to let them out until all is well, it’s only a matter of time. A mixture of perseverance, cuteness and indisputable logic of why you’re right is all it takes when you’re there, face to face.

The sweet smile of success

It’s impossible to be this bunny-boiler-y in a long distance relationship. Your cuteness will come off weird, and your perseverance a tad too much like a stalker. Your only contact is through some kind of modern technology; texts are very easy to misconstrue; phone calls are too impersonal, and Skype just makes everyone feel awkward. Basically, it is impossible to make up to a satisfactory level when you’re miles away from one another. The argument will just stew, ready to flare up the next time he forgets to ‘like’ your post on Facebook.

#2 The Butterflies

If it’s a good relationship, these never truly go away. When your man friend holds your hand, touches your hair- all those kinds of mushy things- it makes you just a wee bit happy. I like to think that when I’m old and grey, the sight of my wizened old man walking into a room will still get my (slightly dried up) juices going.

Who needs teeth when you've got true love?

Now, maybe I’m just a romantic, but I don’t find my Blackberry ring tone all that sensual. Even the knowing ‘ping’ when my boyfriend comes online on IM wouldn’t get me going. I know that phone conversations can be lovely. I know that. But for me, it just ain’t enough.

#1 Sheer Effort

Of course, all relationships require effort. If they didn’t, I like to think I wouldn’t be single. But having your partner in close proximity to where you are makes it a hell of a lot easier. Bored? Get him over. Horny? Same solution. You don’t have to travel for hours to go see them, and you don’t have to plan three months in advance to get your next visit in.

He won't notice I haven't seen him for 10 months... right?

The other rubbish thing about this is, because there is so much effort involved in seeing your loved one, there are ridiculous expectations of how your visit will be. One argument will ruin the whole week, where normally it wouldn’t matter at all. One bad sexual experience and you may as well have not come. There is so much pressure on that one window of time that it just can’t live up to the hours you spent on the phone planning every minute.


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